Zed

5:32PM - Little Ideas Running Through My Brain

It seems that lately, I wrote more negative things than positive. It could be due to the general lackluster economy, state of the world... state of my mind.

I'm hoping that this will change soon. I'm taking a big trip in about a week's time. From what people keep telling me - amazing food, nice people, and beautiful sites. I'm IN!

Took friends out over Memorial Day weekend. And I think as we get older, women get more complain-y. They seem to gripe a lot. It took forever for all of them to get into the club. And once they were inside, it was too hot, too cold... too crowded/LOUD (um. we're at a club)... and just too too much.

It was great seeing them. But SHOCKINGLY, I had a much better time when they left and I was with much LM (lower maintenance) friends. You know, the kind that can have fun in pretty much any given environment at any given time.

I caught up with friends that I haven't seen in a year or so. Seems like they're (me too) doing the same things... just different year.

I got to talking to a guy while waiting in line for the restroom. I spotted him earlier in the night because him and his buddy were head & shoulders (like the dandruff shampoo) over a sea of Asians. A friend said he was a FOB from Taiwan. Uhm... no. He's from the states... and doesn't speak Mandarin v. well. :)

So fun talking to him and realizing we knew a ton of people in common. He was NOT an asshole like I thought he might be... He WAS a good conversationalist, fun, and sweet. Too bad he lives in NorCal.

We ended up talking for the rest of the night. My friends would pass by us and give us the googly eyes, while we were sitting on a bench in the outside lounge/fireplace area. Ah friends... we will never really reach mature adulthood. Will we?

The music cut off and the lights came on. It was time to leave. There was some lingering. We decided to go eat instead of calling it a night. Late night food with a charming person is fun.

Police barricades due to LA Marathon is so NOT fun. What should have been a 20 minute ride back to my car ended up being an hour? Ugh.

He told me to "find him on facebook". Okaaaaaay. He got my number earlier in the night... but whatevers. The hug goodbye was nice. Funny that his face seemed to end up sliding up my arm. How'd he manage that? Felt interesting.

---

On another NOT fun night = last night.

1. People shouldn't continue asking their friends if they want to do a shot (esp. if friend declined more than 20 times).
2. People shouldn't tell backhanded compliments to their friends. I just don't understand the verbal vomit that comes out of your mouth sometimes... :(
3. Really drunk people should cab it home before they make a complete ass out of themselves. I should have taken this advice on several occasions over the past years. (It can still help out friends NOW). Do it!
4. Guys with puppies are really popular with girls. OMG~! What cute little puppies! Will be seeing them again.

It's been interesting being back.

Body is changing from flabby grossness to slightly more toned. This is a pretty hectic pace I'm on. It will be difficult/if not impossible to maintain during the trip.

I wonder why the body holds onto the fat for dear life. I guess it's half expecting me to go on the Survivor reality TV show... and therefore trying to store up for possible starvation mode.

TRUST ME~ Dear Body, I am NOT going to be starving. Please let loose a little of your hold on the belly fat!

Thanks~

Zed.

11:37AM - alive and well

just read through a smidgen of my old journal entries. i sound like a psychotic 15 year old girl with crushes on every known korean actor.

wait a minute... maybe that really IS me.

:)

it's all pretty craptastic.

---

sit back.

enjoy the ride.

something interesting is bound to happen.

6:41PM - rock of ages

It's interesting how all on my mom's side are so healthy.

They're made of steel.

That's a good thing.

The ones they marry don't seem to be as strong...

2:27PM - So happy!

I'm so happy~

It only cost me $15 to purge all the people that used to be my friends.

And now I get to say whatever I want whenever I want without the constant looking over my cyber shoulder feeling to it.

I'm happy.

I'm glad.

Plus, no longer am I pmsing.

So, it's a good thing!!

Plus, what a cool fucking name!!!

1:01PM - squeezing of the innards

I've got major cramps.

Ow~

9:02PM - a day late and a dollar short

Ever hear that term?

Or how about too fucking late dumbass. Why be nice now? I could care less.

You should have been nicer when it mattered.

Whatever...

11:46PM - Baby Bulldog

Poke!

11:43PM - chicken

Fried Chicken rocks!

2:39PM - fireworks!

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July!

There were the most amazing fireworks this weekend. Things that sparkled and went BOOM!

Wow~

9:08PM - Murphy's law

This will sound pathetic, but whatever... The second I walk away from my phone, hapabartender calls!

Missed call and no message. Ok. I get it. You're a cool guy. You probably have girls chasing you every which way, in whatever city you're in because your good looks transcends race and ethnic lines.

However! I am not all girls! I am someone that hasn't been kissed in nearly 4 months! That makes me special!!! And desparate (sh! be quiet!)

It doesn't help that I don't have friends here in whiteyville! All my friends and anyone remotely attractively Asian doesn't live here! Except for that Asian guy from my gym THAT I NEVER SAW AGAIN!

I'm not cranky. I think I just set my expectations to where it may not happen.

I'm just bored. I don't blame this guy. He's visiting family and friends. I'm surprised he contacted me at all. But I was going as the old AT&T commercial went... That he would each out and touch someone... Namely me!

Happy 4th of July!

7:18PM - salads

I like eating lots of vegetation. I especially like eating tons of fiber. I like the noises it makes my stomach do. I like the feeling of sloshing that it makes. The end result is also interesting.

I swapped emails with hapabartender. I also swapped phone calls. Unfortunately we haven't swapped spit. And honestly, it has been far too long since I had a good kiss. March was too far in the past. The small covert kisses on the face by the skinny actor wasn't enough! I want to grab the hapa guy and kiss him! Argh!

I'm so scarey and weird.

Well we might have another window of opportunity. Although I'm at a point where I can also just relax and goto sleep... Nap. That sounds good too.

I have bought some super cute clothes! Yay!

And ps I lost another pound. I'm doing better with the diet.

More yoga... And more intense cardio partnered with continued fruit smoothies in the morning and salads for lunch!

I've also decided to eat seaweed soup for dinner.

I need to get down 4 more pounds. Although if I did 5 that might be cool too. Although that also might be slightly too thin. I don't want to look icky.

Have a safe and happy 4th!

7:52PM - Imaginary Bitches

I'm so alone I can taste it.

No friends.
No boyfriends.
Nada.

Wait, I have God and my family. I AM LOVED!!!

9:50PM - Passing Through

Several things today reminded me of cool people that I know or have known in my life.

I have some cyberchat friends that I maybe met once in my life, exchanged emails and now chat nearly every day.

Some days I don't even know what the heck we talk about. It's usually good times. I get their opinion on some random point. Or we just talk the shit.

Funny that most of my cyber friends are Chinese guys. My Kgirlfriends was weirded out about this. One was emphatic that one of my cyberfriends was SUPER boring. I was like, "Are you kidding?! He's awesome! He's one of the wittiest and most engaging person I know!!!" Uhm... online. She said she was on a date with him and nearly fell asleep. That's weird. I've always had great conversations with him (online). There are some clues to MAYBE he might be better online than in person (although, I really thought he was cool the few times we hung out in person too). I think he might be like me. Introvert that's much more talkative behind a computer. But then again, I've seen him talk on the phone for hours too. Maybe they just didn't connect?? No matters, they both have significant others now anyway.

Wow! I keep seeing Mfu online. And I totally forget that he and I used to hang out a lot. We'd go out clubbing, cook at his house, go to church, blah blah blah. I REALLY like hanging out with Mfu. He was smart, sweet, witty, good cook, and very entertaining. He was also pleasant to look at. That's always a plus.

I had another cyberchat buddy that was Chinese/attractive/smart blah blah blah. We'd chat ALL the time online. Never really met up after initially meeting in 2002. Since that time, he got married. And within the last year? he's dropped off AIM land. We sort of fell out of chat mode cuz I was never logged in anymore... but I did appreciate our neverending chats about my disastrous dating life.

Some of the best chats and conversations (digging back to my dating life years ago) were with Chinese American guys. They can be so thoughtful and such great conversationalists.

This doesn't happen as fluidly with Korean guys. ESPECIALLY the Fobbers that I've been hanging out with recently.

There's something awesome in being able to communicate with someone. And don't read too much into this. It's not like I've had major conversations with these people about the meaning of life. It's just random conversations that were pleasant and enjoyable.

I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to meet people in Whiteyville. It's a little sad and lonely.

AND~ I think I scared that hapaJap guy. Maybe I replied to his email too quickly? But eh. I just wanted to grab coffee (hug him). Nothing too crazy. He must be busy with his family. Or perhaps he just didn't want to bother.

No worries.

On another note: I need to drop 5 more pounds.

It's sooo disappointing that I'm still trying.

I'd like to go out on a nice date.

---

I might go to India to be a surrogate mom. I hear that they have dormatories for women that are willing to be a human incubator.

Pretty cool eh?

10:26PM - Like Whoa~

So, I get an email from a name I don't recognize. It's part Japanese and part cracker (hee hee). I couldn't figure out who it was until I opened it.

Let's go back in time.

While my girlfriends and I were traveling in Asia, they stumbled upon a bar of hot Japanese model guys that were bartending at this makeshift Johnny Walker launch site. There were two of them that were attractive, and then the rest seemed like they would do well at "Host" bars.

We drank at the bar, had a good time with some friends, and laughed with the bartenders. They were all very sweet and the two were easy on the eyes.

I got to talking to the hapa-Japanese bartender because he gave directions over the phone to one of our friends that was trying to meet up with us. Turns out that his family lives near me in Whitey-ville. I didn't think much of it when I gave him my contact information. I told him, "If you're ever in Whitey-ville, give me a call. We can meet up for coffee." He and I both know how very boring Whitey-ville USA is. And so, it doesn't hurt to have a friend to grab coffee.

His email went a little something like this:

"You might not remember me, but I met you in Japan. I'm flying into town for 4th of July. I'll be checking email. Let's try to get together."

Statistics:
6'
Half Japanese Half White
Attractive
Nice body
Very sweet
Unpretentious

A thought just popped into my head: "God does listen".

But I actually haven't been praying for that... "getting laid". Quite opposite really.

My prayers are this:

Please help S--- in his time of great need.
Please help Uncle C--- while he is going through difficult health.
Please watch over J and S while they're waiting for their baby.
Please watch over my family (list off names).
Please watch over my friends (list off names).
Please give me more patience (repeat about 10-20 times depending on how my day's going).
Please give me guidance with my work.
Please let me be more grateful.
Please let me appreciate my family and friends.
Please let me live my life in more appreciation of You.

That's my prayers at night and during church.

You wouldn't believe it to read my journal.

But that's the truth (as nothing else is in this here thing).

Back to the hapa-model guy.

He's very sweet. When I talked to him, I was thinking... wow. Everything you're saying is SO NICE and makes me feel all happy happy inside. I would PAY you to hang out with me. Which left me wondering if he might also be a host/model/bartender.

I'm pretty sure that nothing will happen with this guy.

But he will be something really out of the ordinary for Whitey-ville.

Must.not.touch.

Ok.

I'm not sure how this is going to play out...

.

.

.

.

.


I'm thinking I'm going to make out with this guy.

10:39AM - happy

I've been on some weird roll of posting mean updates. I think I was pretty annoyed with the creepy guy.

I think I'm now over it. Perhaps I was over it when I pushed him off the stairs...?

So let's think of something happy.

I'm really grateful for a supportive family that is good to me. And I really appreciate my friends.

I'm happy to have the possible opportunity to go to Asia again.

I really want to do some good stuff with the travel.

10:16PM - btw

I don't condone violence. I think it's a barbaric form of communication.

It shouldn't even be last resort.

But I think some creepy people deserve a smack in the noggin for idiotic creepy shit.

That's my two cents.

My other two cents is that I'm thinking about becoming a baby momma. I want to be a surrogate!


Isn't that a grand idea?

5:23PM - practicing patience

So I was out in Asia. It was the same night that I received my covert kisses on my face.

I was having a good time with friends. We were at some new club called Volume. It was eh. I enjoy hiphop. Me no like that other shit. Anyway, I was standing around watching people dance and just amazed at the new height of skinniness that Korean guys are now at. When I felt a creepy feeling of a creepy guy watching me. He was a as white bread as can be. U really hate intrusive staring so I headed back towards my friends. Little creepy dude decides to follow me and grab my thigh. I was so fucking pissed that I whacked him in the back. I was moving pretty fast. And then in a 2 second thought pattern I got even more pissed that I shoved my elbow into him and pushed him off the steps. I didn't look back. He's lucky I didn't punch him in the head. I'm lucky he wasn't bigger otherwise all my anger would have seethed within without any outlet. I'm ok with it. Unwanted touching deserves like in return.

A girlfriend also was having a problem with a guy that was trying to manhandle her that night. The manhandler turned out to be a friend so all I could do was tell him to stop.

It would be nice to have fun with friends and not deal with stupid shit.

Oh well.

Anyway, I think I practiced some patience. I'm doing better each day.

:)

10:09PM - Friday night?

It's Friday night. I'm bored and listless. I'm also in a lot of body pain.

Not sure what I'm doing wrong in my sleep, but I'm getting awful f*ckig neck cramps every morning.

Damn orthopedic pillow!

Reading posts... and I'm feeling a bit aged.

Where does all the time go? In the bottom of glasses emptied out at clubs? Sweat pouring down on the treadmill? Easy brunches with good friends?

What is the meaning of life?!

And what does it all come down to in the end?

I'm just kidding.

I'm so NOT deep.

I'm just bored.

And I want to kiss a cute boy.

That's about it.

Too bad the only one I've seen in the past month or so has disappeared off the face of the earth.

I'm really sad about it.

To make up for it, I'm flying out to NYC and finding a cute Korean Fobby Boy "KFoboy" to do the forbidden dance with at some skanky Korean club. You know the time when the lights go down and they play some cheesey slow song? Yup. That's my time to make the move on some unsuspecting fobber.

Funny that I saw someone that I once dated a long whiles back. He used to make me hold my breath in anticipation. This time I just took a second glance back to realize a lot of time has passed... and he no longer did anything for me.

Sad... eh?

10:55PM - Yoga toga baby

Did some crazy yoga today.

Not sure what all this "getting in shape" business is all about. I guess it's a way to stay healthy.

I want to party all the time... party all the time.

It's probably because I don't go out at all (anymore).

The grass is always greener with me.

I'm in a fast city, I get tired of that life so easily.

I'm in a slow relaxed state (in more ways than one), and I get bored.

Can I please have a happy medium?

Or maybe I'm one of those people that always needs to shake up the status quo.

And where the heck is that guy from the gym? It's hard to stalk someone when they're never around.

Poopies.

10:39PM - If there's something to do

I want to write about my recent Asia trip. But I don't feel like it. It was nearly a month long. There were lots of little anecdotes to spew forth. Yet, I'm too tired to actually think and type it out.

I was expecting a lot more hot guys to be poppin' in the motherland. It didn't happen. I think I really like fobby Koreans. But in truth, I think I prefer the look of ABC. Isn't that funny? That's generally speaking. Somehow a cruel twit (i didn't mispell that) of fate, managed to create hawter Chinese American guys than Korean guys. And I seriously do prefer Koreans. So, where'd all these cute Chinese boys come from?

I have no idea.

Stupid chinks.

Ha.